East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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