You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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