i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
