dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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