i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
