He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
