i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
