Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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