I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
