dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
