you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
