Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
