It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
