Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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