dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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