He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk is not a location!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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