i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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