Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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