Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
