Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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