You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
