Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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