It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
