yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
