fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
pop tarts are not kleenex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
