he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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