it was like his penis was on wheels.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
