Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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