I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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