so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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