Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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