even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
