He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
