People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
