when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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