she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
