I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
