Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
