HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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