So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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