I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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