Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Need sex. Gaining weight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
