so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
