I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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