There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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