I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
