Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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