we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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