trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A+ Viking dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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