my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
