Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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