Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
