Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
