I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
