So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
