We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
