Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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