I got chris browned last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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